10 things I learnt from watching StarTrek, the movie...

#1: You can do anything you want. anything, given that after you do it, you must say out aloud and in suprise "Wow, that's the first time I have done <enter what you have just acheived>"

eg: If you have just teleported a goat, a zebra and a water buffalo onto your spaceship from 3 different places at the same time, then all you need to do is say, "Wow, this is the first time I have teleported a goat, a zebra and a water buffalo onto my spaceship from 3 different places at the same time"

#2: Scotty can beam anybody/anything up to anywhere/anytime.

#3: If you want to name something, do not bother with scientific jargon, just keep it simple and call it what it looks like. eg: If it is red in colour and its is some kind of matter, then just go ahead and call it "Red Matter"

#4: It takes a drop of red matter to convert a planet into a black hole and destroy all its inhabitants, but make sure to use about 40 gallons of it in order to destroy an enemy space ship that is 1/900th the size of the planet. Oh! but wait, just 40 gallons will not destroy the ship, you may need to fire at the ship for about 10 minutes before the ship is destroyed.

#5: The Starship enterprise fleet has only a couple of senior members, the captain and someone named spock, everybody else is just a cadet. So if the Captain is indisposed the cadets can play musical chairs to choose a captain. Make sure you practise.

#6: Lets see, the enemy ship though 50 times bigger that your ship will only contain about 5-6 crew members, so all you need to do is ask Scotty to beam you to the enemy ship (see point #2), and shoot up most of the people there. Make sure you leave a couple of them alive in order to have a more fitting climax involving gallons of red matter and a black hole.

oh before I forget, your relatively smaller ship will have, around 20 members just in the 10X20 feet control room. you ship will have hundreds of crew members.

#7: If you are named Kirk, you will be made captain in about 3 years after having a bar room brawl, you need not possess any skills other than having the ability to be in the right place at the right time and a thorough knowledge of musical chairs (refer to #5). Ability to "emotionally compromise" a colleague and cheat in your exams is an added advantage.

#8: Everyone speaks the same dialect of the same language (read. "English"), irrespective of what planet or or universe you come from.

#9: If you have pointy ears and a tendency to be "emotionally compromised", then you are most definitely from the planet Vulcan. You may have a mother who is an Earthling, this may mean that the Vulcan society looks down upon you and consider you weaker. however your mother will most definitely be one among the Vulcan Elders and not shunned as you are.

#10: If there is anything that has a higher gravitational pull than a Black Hole, then it is the latest "Star Trek" movie. This is because nothing SUCKS more than Star Trek.


Note: I have not even written about the more obvious things such as, how the villans are such wimps who do nothing but put a rhino beetle into the captain's mouth as a means of torture.